Weekly Blog_12_Lunkun Deng

In my opinion, Adrienne Rich in this poem reminds the old days and expresses some pressure from tough life, especially poverty. Adrienne Rich repeats some words several times, such as “hurt to burn”, “poverty” and “be in danger”. Besides these repeated words, the title, the Burning of Paper Instead of Children, also indicates the theme of the poem. Children do not know much of the toughness in life. They are living an easy life. However, those elder people, as papers and books in the poem, are all tired from the stressful life. When those elder people come across some events, that someone “lights the fire”, they are easy to be in danger: they hurt to burn.

In life people will stand much pressure, pressure that come from study, work, as well as poverty as Adrienne Rich mentions. All the pressure, in one hand, drives people to work hard and then awards them with satisfaction. On the other hand, over-pressure may lead to unhealthy psychological conditions. Facing over-pressure, some people may get well adjusted by some ways of FAXIE. However, if they do not adjust properly, they may go to hell, like the burning books and papers.

Brandewie's Blog

Adrienne Rich’s poem “The Burning of Paper Instead of Children” is an abstract look of literature in actual circumstances. The poem takes a look at Literature in somewhat of a negative light. So many times in today’s literature is glorified, “The Burning of Paper Instead of Children” takes a different view on literature. The Rich has the opinion that literature is useless because it does not solve anything. In the poem she says, “What happens between us, has happened for centuries, we know it from literature, still it happens.” (Rich 3) This leads to one of the major themes of the poem, action over theory. To talk or write about tragedies or good things in the world does not impact the world at all. Rich shows the crime of language. It does not liberate people, rather oppresses action in the world. Another theme in the poem is peace and serenity. Rich looks back at a time before language and literature. She explains it as a “time of silence of few words, a time of chemistry and music” (Rich 1). Appeals to the reader by using the ideas of peace, music, and chemistry to show the positives of the world before language entered. It is an interesting view because many times the conflicts that engross many peoples’ lives are over such trivial problems. Rich does not agree with many of the thought and conflict that is brought up in literature.

caleb weber

I didn't really understand any of this poem. I guess one theme is that the burning of books infuriates some while it causes no anxiety for others. Another theme is that literature can describe alot of things. One theme was that even though we read about bad things, that doesn't mean we will do anything about it.

Summary of "The Burning of Paper Instead of Children"----Jake Moore

In Adrienne Rich's poem “The Burning of Paper Instead of Children” she concentrates on the present tense.  A theme that is revealed is people spend to much time on the past and future.  An example of this theme is Durer's work MELANCOLIA.  He draws a lady who is extremely wrapped up in studying and is oblivious to her surroundings.  She does not realize her little baby is beginning to be wrapped up with books, and how her dog is becoming extremely thin and has a look of sadness on its face.  Rich is trying to state that literature will always tell the past and try to predict the future; therefore, we should not become obsessed with studying, but live a life in the present.  We, the readers, should live a life of how we want to live not how people lived in the past.  With the new and advanced technology in today's society anybody can look up any type of material and find instant answers on that certain subject, but nobody knows what will happen exactly as Rich writes in her poem "no one knows what may happen though the books tell everything."  Because nobody will ever know what will happen we should "burn the texts" a French actor, Artaud, suggests.  This is not stated literally but is said with a sarcastic tone once again telling people to live in the present. 

Blake's Blog

There seems to be a theme of anger in the poem. Rich’s neighbor seems to be very upset over the burning of a book that his son and Rich’s son burnt in the back yard. He relates to this act as an act that Hitler would do. Rich on the other hand does not really think that it is that big of a deal. I believe that the two disagree because of the different backgrounds where they came from. The neighbor gets so upset because he has learned a lot of information in his life through books. On the other hand Rich believes that there is a lot in life to be learned outside of books. This is why it is not that important to Rich that the book was burned. The two different outlooks causes a conflict between the two parents.

Blake

There seems to be a theme of anger in the poem. Rich’s neighbor seems to be very upset over the burning of a book that his son and Rich’s son burnt in the back yard. He relates to this act as an act that Hitler would do. Rich on the other hand does not really think that it is that big of a deal. I believe that the two disagree because of the different backgrounds where they came from. The neighbor gets so upset because he has learned a lot of information in his life through books. On the other hand Rich believes that there is a lot in life to be learned outside of books. This is why it is not that important to Rich that the book was burned. The two different outlooks causes a conflict between the two parents.

Burning of paper

Adrienne Rich’s poem The Burning of Paper Instead of Children goes over the situation where the next door neighbor’s son burns a math book after school and how the son was punished harshly for doing so. The neighbor criticizes his son as being just as bad as Hitler for doing so well Rich takes a different perspective. The main theme that appears in the poem for me is the idea of living life without knowledge of books. Rich first brings in the MELANCOLIA to support the theme. The MELANCOLIA is interpreted as someone who spends all his time working and reading that he loses himself in endless work and loses out on life. Someone who spends his whole life by the book will learn nothing if they never experience anything first hand. She explains that famous writers like Frederick Douglas wrote “purer” than Milton, who had study his whole life, because he wrote from experience and life. What I get from this poem is that life can’t be mapped out for you by a book and that trying to live by a book is foolish.

Grant McCloskey Week #11

In the piece The Burning of Paper Instead of Children there were two children that were “burned” or scorned by a parent for burning a math textbook. The irate parent sentenced the children to a week apart from another. The parent of the child who was “burned” by an adult other than his parent is the narrator of this piece.

The narrator didn't see the big deal with burning the book, hence the title. It was looked at as an act of rebellion against school, almost saying “finally no school for three months”. The narrator took it as harmless child’s play, while the other parent saw it as an act of Hitler.

In the narrators pondering of the day’s events at a typewriter that evening she present many different themes that literature presents. I am not sure if I am in the ballpark with my perceived themes in the piece.

The first theme is obsession. The narrator described characters from books, but in particular the Trial of Jeanne d’Arc. How one dreamed of her too often so the book was taken away, obsession.

Next is the theme: culture of the past, and what to take away from them. I feel that the narrator was speaking of medieval times. It is hard to understand this period however because it was a time with little record, and what one does know is the voice of the oppressed.

Another theme pick up in the text is how one can learn from literature. Then the narrators’ counter argument to that was but what one learns isn’t necessarily directed towards us how to live.  We need to make our own mark on the world and not live vicariously through history, as impossible as that may be.

The narrator makes the claim that America lives only in the present tense. Meaning that we only care about the present, the past has zero significance. Which takes claim the why there wasn’t a numbing feeling as the book was being charred by the fire.

This is a problem however, the narrator said the “flames hurt”. This will hurt our culture not looking at literature of the past as a way to live by. But is this something that we as a culture can overcome? 

Poem Themes Ethan Flater

The poem “The Burning of Paper Instead of Children” by Adrienne Rich has many different themes that could be thought of while reading this poem. I find that one of these themes is the sense of knowledge and how it can be something that is cherished and something we can learn from. The part where the poem talks about the burning of books and how knowledge is being tossed away and forgotten and how that is a tragedy for society, but then it seems to turn it around and make knowledge something that can take over someone’s life. John Milton who wrote Paradise Lost spent many years studying before he wrote this book and in the end Fredrick Douglas writes a purer form of writing than he did. The two are contrastable people when you try to explain how a man with little education be able to do the same as a man who spent so much of his life in study. It seems like Milton was over taken by his studies and he tried to make everything perfect making the knowledge he sought after something that took over his life and in the end made it empty. This shows a contrast of how knowledge is good in some ways and when it can be taken too fare and lead to madness.

Ethan Flater

Nick's response to Burning...

“The Burning of Paper Instead of Children” by Adrienne Rich is a poem that compares the influence of literature to real life situations. One of the main themes in the poem is to live your life in the present and concentrate only on those things that you have control of. Literature does reveal what has happened and what will most likely happen, yet we should not feel constrained to the “knowledge of the oppressor (author)”. We should live life as we choose and to the best of our abilities and not follow the reoccurring actions of the past. Books may have an answer to all of our questions and problems, but we should not live our lives according to their answers. The oppressor gains total control of our lives when we become controlled by the knowledge of the past, similar to the woman in the “Melancolia” painting. She becomes obsessed with studying and understanding books and is unable to experience life and make decisions for herself.
Another theme in the poem is the present suffering of many individuals. Children are unfed, unclothed, and rely on stealing for survival. We have seen numerous examples of this suffering in books but have done nothing to help those people suffering. “There are methods but we do not use them.” For some reason, we tend to act no different than those did in books even though we know the outcomes (mostly negative). The burning of books might not upset the author of this poem because it would force people to make decisions for themselves and to take part in new positive ends. It is those people who are controlled by the oppressor that cause this suffering because they are unable to “tell the truth” and “touch you now” to help bring about positive change. Nick Curosh

Grant McCloskey Week #10

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life Liberty, and the Pursuit of happiness.”-Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson wrote this as part of the Declaration on Independence in1776. The document has some parts that would be considered “politically correct” present day, but it also has some items that would need to be changed if it were to be written today.

For instance “endowed by their Creator” would work today because it is not specifically addressing one religion. Creator is a general term almost to mean “Who you feel put you here”. In capitalizing “Creator” makes it a person, or thing of importance, I feel leaving it un-capitalized would take away from its power.

Something that would need to be changed would be “that all men”, that is not giving equal representation among sexes. It should be made into “that all human beings”.

Something aside from the tone is how the sentence flows. It makes a statement and then is lists what the statement called for. It is a really good way to keep the attention of the reader to keep it all together. It makes is flow well.

I also feel that this is a specific example of a sentence that is low and breaks the rules previously discussed in Style, but still works. This sentence would not be as powerful as it is if it were to be split up.

That is the one thing that I will take away from this blog is that sometimes you paper needs some of those sentences spread throughout your paper. It will be somewhat difficult for me when to use that style and when not to. If I am able to master this I feel that it will only help me in writing college style papers. 

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
...Mark Twain

Mark Twain always proves that he is in fact the man. The quotes he makes famous always hit home with me. This line can relate to our life in many situations; most recently in events here on campus or Saturday after the buzzer sounded. There is a lot of power behind this line and that's awesome. As for his diction; the sentence is easy to understand so that's cool. By putting commas around 'too' it gives the feeling of an emphasis to the reader. The reader can feel that the sentence really does apply to their life and they can take it to heart. This quote stays with me, but I remember the gist in my own words with it.

"Stay away from the people that want to pull you down. Some people are like that, but we can be more than them. We can surpass what they have become and what they would have us become.

Blake Litmer

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)


This is a short, but to the point quote. The first word victory is talking about victory in anything a person participates in. Most people might think this quote is referring to a game. However, I believe the author is referring to any life situation. In this quote the player is the person that is in the completion of an everyday life situation. It could also refer to a player the game. The end of the quote is very true with any competition a person is put in with another person. There are many successful people in this world that commit a lot of mistakes. The point to the quote is it does not matter if a person commits a mistake. The part that matters is after a mistake is committed the person must fix his mistakes and not let them happen again. I believe that in life people need to forget about the mistakes they commit and worry about what is happening in their life in the present. My belief follows this quote.

Greatness goes to the player who forgets about past situations.

Brandewie's Weekly Blog

Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers, that the mind can never break off from the journey.
Pat Conroy, The Prince of Tides
Pat Conroy is one of my favorite authors. He has the ability to blur the line between conventional prose and beautiful poetry. This quote is elegantly written through the use of strong clauses and exceptional adjectives. It is an extremely long sentence; however, it still flows very well, and as in a quality of many run-ons does not seem too long. The first to phrases, “Once you have traveled” and “the voyage never ends” sets the reader up with two odd phrases. There is also a repetition in over and over that flows very well in the sentence. In the final phrase the sentence refers back to the journey that can not be broken off from. Here I will try to replicate the sentence with a similar sentence structure.
Once you start something in life, no matter how tough it gets, it is important to finish, that you can bring a strength in character.

Jumanji

"A hunter from the darkest wild... makes you feel just like a child" - Alan Parrish Jumanji 1995

This quote is very interesting to me through the way it is written. It contains a great rhyme scheme as that syllable count and last to words rhyme makes it easy to read and more memorable. I think that what is most interesting about the quote is that it doesn't give to much away. Although it gets its point across its still leave a lot of mystery and isn't too descriptive. I also noticed that the use the multiple periods in the quote to build up dramatic appeal. And the way the use "you" directs it at a person and bring about a greater sense of danger.

"Better run better flee... or he will eat you from the knee"

Weekly Blog_10_Lunkun Deng

Love is patient, Love is kind,It does not envy, It does not boast,It is not proud, It is not rude,It is not self-seeking,It is not easily angered,It keeps no record of wrongs.
Corinthians 13 : 4

My host family told me yesterday that this chapter is translated from Greek. Even if I cannot read the original Greek version she showed me, I think this is a perfect translation. In this Love Chapter, all the sentences share one subject, love. This makes the whole paragraph be united. Then every two sentences come as a pair, such as “Love is patient, Love is kind.” They share the same sentence pattern. Moreover, each pair is either positive or negative. For instance, the second pair starts with “It does not” and the third pair starts with “It is not”. In additional, the two sentences in a pair express similar or close-related view points. For example, patience and kindness are both considered to be characteristics of a nice person. Even if all the sentences in the Love Chapter are short ones, they flow so well from one to another in ways of both structure and meaning. Furthermore, all those short sentences balance the entire paragraph and express a powerful thought as a whole. The chapter only uses some ordinary feelings yet successfully describes an invisible object, LOVE.

Mother is an instructor, Mother is a companion.
She is always missing me, She is always concerning about me,
She is always criticizing, She is always encouraging,
She does not want to hate,
She does not want to blame,
She devotes all her love to me.

Weekly Blog Ethan Flater

"All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel mother."
Abraham Lincoln http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/abraham_lincoln.html

This quote is powerful because it combines the present with the future. It stops abruptly to make you soak in the first statement and then it goes again only to stop with another statement. This really makes you soak in both of the comments until you reach the end pulling the entire quote together.

All that is, or all that could be, is caused by God almighty.

Jake's Blog- The Ruins

The screaming filled Eric with a sense of panic.  Pablo was down in the hole, in the darkness, in terrible pain, and Eric couldn't think what to do, where to turn, how to make it better.  They needed to help him, and it was taking too long.  It ought to be happening now, instantly, but it wasn't; it couldn't.  -Scott Smith, The Ruins

This section of reading from Scott Smith's novel, The Ruins, matches what we talked about in class on Friday.  The first sentence is short and very catchy.  It is the first part of a "break" in the book and it receives the reader's attention immediately.  After the person reads this, I believe, they will begin to read rapidly and Scott Smith helps them do this throughout the rest of the paragraph.  The next sentence is filled with short prepositional phrases in which Smith helped the reader continue to read at a fast pace.  After the phrase "in terrible pain" instead of putting a period there and making a new sentence, Smith, combined the two sentences together with a "comma conjunction."  In doing so, it extended the sentence, but also didn't let the reader take the necessary pause after the period.  Instead, he/she took the shorter pause needed for a comma and continued reading.  The last sentence "It ought to be happening now, instantly, but it wasn't; it couldn't" is perfect for what we discussed in class about apostrophes.  If Smith made "wasn't" and "couldn't" in two words it would have slowed the pace down.  Instead he needed to keep the fast pace and used the contractions so shorten the sentence. 

Nick's blog

“Fierce as a dog with tongue lapping for action, cunning as a savage pitted against the wilderness.” Carl Sandburg “Chicago” (Chicago Poems)

As I was reading Sandburg’s poem, this sentence caught my attention. Each clause begins with a very powerful adjective (fierce and cunning) that tend to change the tone of the poem. The words fierce and cunning suggest a more hostile environment in which only the strong can survive. Also, the two verbs, found in this phrase, (lapping and pitted) are not your everyday words and serve as an exaggeration for the comparison of the city of Chicago to the dog and the savage. The word lapping creates the effect that the dog is drooling in anxiety waiting to strike at any moment. And, the word pitted seems produces an unfavorable environment even for the cunning savage.

The reason Sandburg includes this phrase is to connect these two uncommon things to Chicago. The dog and savage serve as a metaphor to help illustrate the persona of the city. Sandburg believes that the people of Chicago are as fierce as the dog and as cunning as the savage. These two comparisons portray the wild, untamed side of the jungle (Chicago).

“Strong as a boxer with fists throbbing for battle, trusting as a friend struggling against unfavorable odds” Nick Curosh

Survival

Survival in todays world requires strength, determination, and intelligence to be able to fend off any attacks that people of this world might throw your way, because the world rewards the strong and independent.

robbie's survival statement

Survival in music requires confidence and lung capacity to overcome the hurdle of stage fright but rewards the player with a sense of accomplishment and desire for the next performance.

tonys blog

Survival on the wrestling mat demands will power and confidence of being able to outwork your opponent but the rewards of becoming the victor are pride in ones' self and being able to push yourself to the limit.

caleb weber

Survival in life requires love, love is as essential to living as water, without love we are lost.

Survival?

Surviving on the field requires more than talent; drive, determination, courage and trust of others are the true factors in a persons' survival. Possess those and you cannot lose.

weekly blog Ethan Flater

Survival on the wresting team requires a strong will and work ethic to overcome the brutal facts of dehydration and hunger but rewards the person who has the will to move on with the thrill of victory and the ability of winning again.

luke

Survival on the stage requires the ability to rock hard and perform well for the crowd; but once completed your ability and performance makes it easier in the future.

Blake Litmer

Survival on the football field requires a person to have unconditional love and respect for his team mates and if all players live by this there will be no question in the end who the winner is.

tyler presley

Survival in the octagon requires the skills and knowledge of mixed martial arts to be able to out smart and out perform ur opponent and if a fighter can do this everytime they step into the cage they will never be defeated.

Clarity and Grace Blog: Jake Moore

Survival in the wilderness requires the energy and wit to overcome the brute facts of an uncooperative Nature but rewards the person who acquires that power with the satisfaction of having done it once and with the confidence of being able to do it again.

Playing in a collegiate sport offers the need of competition and work ethic to receive the adrenaline of a match or game and achieve a high from winning knowing how much time and effort was put into practice and the off season.  

Brandewie's Blog

Survival in the extreme cold requires the perseverance and determination to not except defeat in the eyes of death, but after the incident can often provide an individual with the confidence that he or she will survive through anything.

Grant McCloskey Week #9

Success on the baseball diamond requires patience and tenacity to accomplish the task of putting the ball in play and for the person who is able to complete the task meanly once will undoubtedly be able to do it again.- Grant McCloskey

Weekly Blog 11_Lunkun Deng

Study abroad alone requires perseverance and adaptive capacity to live through the everywhere toughness in an unknown environment but rewards the student who acquires that qualification with achievability of managing it presently and the fearlessness of the difficulties in the future.

Nick's sentence

Success on the basketball court requires the hard work and dedication of a team to overcome the pressing and fouling of their opponent but rewards the team who acquires the right mentality with the satisfaction of winning the game and the confidence to beat any other opponent.
Nick Curosh

George Orwell’s thoughts on the use of the English language in politics can still be applied to today’s world. Today’s leaders think of themselves in a position of power over every citizen that they do not wish to relinquish to anyone that may have differing views from themselves. These politicians try to use a language that utilizes words that have a hidden meaning or meanings that are open can manipulated. The main reason that the citizen cannot fully understand the language used against them is that they have been trained by authority to understand less. Instead, citizens are not able to accurately gauge politicians and base their election choices on overused and meaningless words in the politician’s hollow language.

For this paragraph, I left the first and last sentences the same and only changed the two that are in the middle. The two in the middle contained words that were useless. I removed the useless words and rewrote them to be better understood by the reader.

Brandewie's Paragraph Revision

In today’s political climate repetitive language is reiterated to excess. Politicians, especially the candidates in this upcoming election, like to simplify the issues with repetitive language. Barack Obama and John McCain continue to harp on the message “Change” in his 2008 campaign. However, in many of these speeches they both fail to mention what facets of government he plans on changing and how they will change them. Both candidates, as in every recent election, have harped on “reforming” separate branches of the government. However, both candidates are rarely specific on what exactly they will reform. On John McCain’s website, a table shows his policy on all the issues including healthcare. All of the issues are stated in broad terms, and say nothing about how he will implement policies. To illustrate, he says that he will make health care more available and responsive for patients. This response on his own website to his policy on health care is not something concrete, rather the message that is extremely broad. In the presidential debates, Barack Obama has continuously said the same things about making health care more affordable and accessible without explaining action he will follow eihter. Unclear speech is used by many politicians to gain support from people without the people actually knowing what the politician’s plan is. In the presidential debate, John McCain has been the perpetrator of bad English. McCain was asked the question “where do you stand on the financial recovery plan?” in the first rounds of the presidential debate. Instead of saying if he was in favor of the financial recovery plan, he twisted his language to advocate how proud he was to see that the financial crisis was beginning to end. This kind of unclear, general speech has been the backbone to many horrific oppressive governments. Also, phrases such as “War on Terror” and “Weapons of Mass Destruction” have been used to over generalize many of our problems overseas. These powerful yet empty words incited support for the Iraq war even though in hindsight, they had no application to the war at all. These catch phrases might seem good to simplify the problem for voter, but they fail to explain the politician’s policy to solve the problem. For example, every president since Richard Nixon has mentioned the importance to end our “dependency on foreign oil.” Countless candidates have said they will lower our dependency on foreign oil, while America’s foreign oil consumption has tripled. Talking in general catch phrases wins votes, but does not attack the issues that need to be solved.

caleb w

The egalitarian style of writing is far more effective than the traditional style. The egalitarian style of writing allows one more freedom to write as is pleased and not be bound by the shackles of traditionalism. Modern society is undergoing constant change and with it the language must change. The writing styles of a people cannot be left in the dust and become something that holds them back. When I grew up and went to grade school this was how we were taught to write. We made use of journals and notebooks and were told to write freely and openly. Brainstorming played a key role, and was done before every assignment. The traditional way of writing is not as effective as the egalitarian and is losing its place in modern times. While the egalitarian style of writing is more effective, the traditional style of writing is of importance for one to know. David Foster Wallace considers this style of language to be the language of power. It is the language of power, so we must know it. If you wish to get into to college of your choice, or advance yourself in a career, you have to have at minimum a basic knowledge of this style. This style is the norm for jobs, resumes, and college applications. These things are a crucial part of personal advancement in our society, and as long as this is so the Traditional style of writing should be learned by all.
I made this paragraph more clear and really cleaned it up. The flow is much smoother and transitioning I think has improved greatly. I changed a few of the words. The paragraph is more grammatically correct.

Weekly Blog 8_Lunkun Deng

Just as David Foster Wallace has pointed out, there are usage wars within English, and he illuminates some reasons for the usage wars. Usage wars broke out for factors such as the difference of geographical backgrounds, race, level of education and social status. Similarly, these factors lead to the usage wars between languages, especially between Chinese and English. However, the “Usage Wars” between Chinese and English are slightly different from what David Foster Wallace describes in the “Usage Wars” inside English, which have prescriptivists and descriptivists in it. In the “Usage Wars” between Chinese and English, English is now acting as a prescriptivist in the wars, safeguarding the “Tradition”. Meanwhile, Chinese is on the prescriptive side as well, but challenging the authority of English Usage. I used to learn standard Chinese, following Chinese traditions. Living in China, I spoke Chinese most of the time, both at home and in school. I have been a prescriptivist in Chinese, and I have tried to be a prescriptivist in English. Now the language I am using is transferring from Chinese to English. Even though I have been learning standard English, especially the usage rules of English, I am still greatly struggling with English usage. I conclude my situation into a “Usage War” between Chinese and English, since as a non-native speaker of English, sometimes I make mistakes unconsciously. Why will I come across the conflict between these two languages? Taking David Foster Wallace’s point of view into account, I think my “Usage Wars” break out because of two main reasons. One is the level of education in English I have received. The other one is the “Language Gap” between two languages, Chinese and English, from two different language systems.



I rewrite this paragraph in the following three aspects.

First, I improve the cohesion between sentences. For example, the first several sentences now have a common topic. In the first two sentences I talk about the “Usage Wars” in English. The third sentence makes a smooth transition. Then from the fourth sentence on, I describe the “Usage Wars” between Chinese and English.

Second, I clarify some specific concept in the paragraph. In the second half of the paragraph, I explain what the “Usage Wars” between Chinese and English means to me, a non-native speaker of English.

Third, I make some changes regarding to grammar and English idioms.

All above, I think my new version present my audience more clear and thoughtful ideas.

Jake's Revised Paragraph

Another trick President Bush used in his speech is meaningless words.  Meaningless words are often used as a crutch to make a point; however, sometimes these words are used dishonestly.  Bush always talked about weapons of mass destruction at the beginning of the war, but what exactly are these weapons he talked about?  I, as well as the America, heard politicians talk about these weapons for so long, that now this phrase is meaningless and no longer has an affect on people.  In “Politics and the English Language” Orwell states, “Words of this kind are often used in a consciously dishonest way.  That is, the person who uses them has his own private definition but allows his hearer to think he means something quite different” (162).  The weapons of mass destruction in Iraq were not as bad as President Bush led the American people to believe.  Therefore, the quote by President Bush is an example of a person having his or her own private definition.  Yes, if the weapons were being built then it would be horrible, but looking back we now know that Saddam Hussein was not building any of these weapons.  President Bush not telling Americans everything he knew about the weapons of mass destruction he was caught being deceitful.  This shows that Bush has been dishonest in some ways to make a point.  President Bush used the phrase “weapons of mass destruction” dishonestly to get into the war and now he does not have a way out.

In this paragraph I edited many mistakes.  In the second sentence I used the word "often" twice.  I kept the first often, and changed the second to sometimes.  After the question I asked, the next sentence I used the formula Professor Benedicks suggested: " ____ was so x THAT y."  The next mistake I made was correcting my mistake on how I cited the quote.  The rest of the paragraph I change drastically.  I changed it so much was because one it did not refer to my topic sentence, two some of the sentences were confusing, and three the tenses did not match up.

tyler presley

The final word that is used by presidents and presidential candidates is the word “legal vote” which is relevant to the 2000 election of George Bush and Al Gore. In the 2000 election there was a dispute between the parties on what was to be considered a legal vote. This dispute eventually made it to the Supreme Court. This was a big issue because Al Gore wanted a recount in certain Florida counties. According to the Supreme Court ruling in this case a legal vote is “those in which there is a clear indication as to who the voter is voting for.” In some cases however, there was a clear intent on who the person was voting for but they did not follow the directions on the ballots. So my question is should they be counted if they did not follow the directions of the ballot? Gores word choice for the term legal vote was his own opinion that the ballots in which the directions were not followed should not be counted instead of what the actual ruling of the court was.



This new paragraph is alot easier to understand and is more clear about the subject on which im going to discuss. I decided to use easier words instead of trying to elaborate on a subject using fancy and confusing words. I decided not to base my whole paragraph on the court case that decided the actual meaning for the term and more on what Gore's perspective of the word ment.

Devin Kelley

George Orwell’s ‘Politics and the English Language” is centered on the argument that politicians have twisted modern English to manipulate public feeling. Politicians are using ‘dead metaphors’ (Orwell, 159) that have no real value to them anymore. The use of 'dead metaphors' and typical words does not create a vivid image for the reader; this creates a very vague and very meaningless sentence that does not afford the listener or reader a fair chance to understand. These vague statements bring entire paragraphs to meaningless because of our inability to actually make anything of them; so then people just take it for what the speaker wants them to. Orwell argues that this improper use of language in politics, the dishonest use of language, is leading to our public's’ ‘foolish thoughts’ (Orwell, 157)

This opening paragraph seems to be pretty straightforward. It seems like it is sort vindictive and assumptive; however that is part of the argument strategy Orwell uses. The orignal had a sentence or two that seemed redundant. Another sentence really had no place in the paper. So without those, this seems to be a little better.

Blakes Blog

Usage Wars are very important for people in America to learn. The Usage Wars will have an effect on every person living and working in America. All of the schools will have to teach a different style of writing if the language is changed. Many other things will change in the country. Newspapers will be written in a different writhing style. This means that all writers and editors will have to change. These are just a few examples; however, all writing in the country would change.
This paragraph is much shorter and more to the point. In the first part of each sentence there is a clear subject and strong verb. The sentences run into each other very good. It is really easy to understand the point of each sentence. The topics in the paragraph flow well. The first sentence has the main idea of the whole paragraph. This paragraph is much more organized and has no sentences that are off topic.

Usage Wars are very important for people in America to learn. The Usage Wars will have an effect on every person living and working in America. All of the schools will have to teach a different style of writing if the language is changed. Many other things will change in the country. Newspapers will be written in a different writhing style. This means that all writers and editors will have to change. These are just a few examples; however, all writing in the country would change.

This paragraph is much shorter and more to the point. In the first part of each sentence there is a clear subject and strong verb. The sentences run into each other very good. It is really easy to understand the point of each sentence. The topics in the paragraph flow well. The first sentence has the main idea of the whole paragraph. This paragraph is much more organized and has no sentences that are off topic.

Revised

Americans should care a lot about these usage wars because it affects our everyday life. If the usage wars were to lean towards the prescriptivist side, then we would have more focus on correct grammar spelling and the standard written rules of English would be deemed “The Bible” of the latest generations. In a prescriptivist world, you would be judged more on your ability to use these grammar rules correctly than on your creativity, or even discourse community: “A fellow snoot I know likes to say that listening to most people’s English feels like watching somebody use a Stradivarius to pound nails.” This could make getting a career in which the employer holds these strict prescriptivist values a lot harder. When people place more focus on your standard written English above that of the actual meaning of your text, they could lose the point of the piece altogether.


Americans should care about these usage wars due to its relevance in our everyday life. If the usage wars resulted in a prescriptivist victory, then Americans would focus only on the correctness of their grammar; spelling and the standard written rules of English would be deemed “The Bible” of the latest generations. In a prescriptivist world, each would be judged more on their ability to use these grammar rules correctly than on creativity, or even discourse community: “A fellow snoot I know likes to say that listening to most people’s English feels like watching somebody use a Stradivarius to pound nails.” This quote shows that many prescriptivist feel annoyed when others disuse standard written English Consequently, obtaining a career in which the employer upholds strict prescriptivist values is suddenly more difficult. When people place more focus on standard written English above that of the actual meaning of their text, they lose the point and, more importantly, the depth of the piece altogether.

weekly blog Ethan Flater

People should care about the usage wars, because the only way people can become successful and taken seriously in life is through writing and language. As Wallace puts it we can become successful in the way we present ourselves to other people. Whether this is through writing or through conversation we must be able to do both successfully. People who use the correct grammar are going to be more successful and taken seriously than the people that write in their own dialect, because of this we must write in SWE the writing of power. This allows people to be taken seriously in what they write and present in their work. As people we can be successful on both sides when it comes to different situations. If we need to change our dialect to fit in to a different part of society a descriptivist is going to be more successful than a prescripivist, but if we write a paper or a resume a prescriptivist is going to do much better than a desriptivist. It is in these ways that we should care about the usage wars so we can be successful on both fronts. Only by having knowledge on both sides can we be successful.

This paragraph starts out pretty well because it explains my next point that i am going to make aboutthe usage wars. Some of the corrections I did delt with some unclear wording and i reorganized the sentences to flow better with the ideas i am trying to show.

Grant McCloskey Week #8

“So they utilize terms that will keep them neutral, trying not to offend or make anyone mad. At the same time they are letting the people that are really listening draw their own conclusion about the speech, even though it may be totally different from what they intended.  I can understand why they are tempted to do such things though.“- Open Doors Grant McCloskey

In this paragraph there is no clear subject. If you were to put this paragraph on its own, the reader would have no clue what the subject is. I refer to politicians as they in the entire paragraph. 

Also the second sentence in the paragraph is long and drawn out. In reading that sentence a reader may be more worried about running out of breath wile reading it, rather than comprehending it. That sentence would be better split into two to add to the over all clarity to this paragraph.

Finally the end of the paragraph seems to me to be vague in the content. I need to explain more at the end not just how I understand and leave it at that, I need to explain why I understand. The reader doesn’t know what I am thinking wile writing; I need to be more thorough in my explanations.  

“So politicians utilize terms that will keep them neutral, trying not to offend or make anyone mad. At the same time politicians are letting the people that are really listening draw their own conclusion about the speech. Even though it may be totally different from what they intended.  I can see why speakers will do this to get what they want.“- Open Doors Grant McCloskey Re-Do