Jake's Revised Paragraph

Another trick President Bush used in his speech is meaningless words.  Meaningless words are often used as a crutch to make a point; however, sometimes these words are used dishonestly.  Bush always talked about weapons of mass destruction at the beginning of the war, but what exactly are these weapons he talked about?  I, as well as the America, heard politicians talk about these weapons for so long, that now this phrase is meaningless and no longer has an affect on people.  In “Politics and the English Language” Orwell states, “Words of this kind are often used in a consciously dishonest way.  That is, the person who uses them has his own private definition but allows his hearer to think he means something quite different” (162).  The weapons of mass destruction in Iraq were not as bad as President Bush led the American people to believe.  Therefore, the quote by President Bush is an example of a person having his or her own private definition.  Yes, if the weapons were being built then it would be horrible, but looking back we now know that Saddam Hussein was not building any of these weapons.  President Bush not telling Americans everything he knew about the weapons of mass destruction he was caught being deceitful.  This shows that Bush has been dishonest in some ways to make a point.  President Bush used the phrase “weapons of mass destruction” dishonestly to get into the war and now he does not have a way out.

In this paragraph I edited many mistakes.  In the second sentence I used the word "often" twice.  I kept the first often, and changed the second to sometimes.  After the question I asked, the next sentence I used the formula Professor Benedicks suggested: " ____ was so x THAT y."  The next mistake I made was correcting my mistake on how I cited the quote.  The rest of the paragraph I change drastically.  I changed it so much was because one it did not refer to my topic sentence, two some of the sentences were confusing, and three the tenses did not match up.