Grant McCloskey Week #10

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life Liberty, and the Pursuit of happiness.”-Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson wrote this as part of the Declaration on Independence in1776. The document has some parts that would be considered “politically correct” present day, but it also has some items that would need to be changed if it were to be written today.

For instance “endowed by their Creator” would work today because it is not specifically addressing one religion. Creator is a general term almost to mean “Who you feel put you here”. In capitalizing “Creator” makes it a person, or thing of importance, I feel leaving it un-capitalized would take away from its power.

Something that would need to be changed would be “that all men”, that is not giving equal representation among sexes. It should be made into “that all human beings”.

Something aside from the tone is how the sentence flows. It makes a statement and then is lists what the statement called for. It is a really good way to keep the attention of the reader to keep it all together. It makes is flow well.

I also feel that this is a specific example of a sentence that is low and breaks the rules previously discussed in Style, but still works. This sentence would not be as powerful as it is if it were to be split up.

That is the one thing that I will take away from this blog is that sometimes you paper needs some of those sentences spread throughout your paper. It will be somewhat difficult for me when to use that style and when not to. If I am able to master this I feel that it will only help me in writing college style papers.